Shirt Sleeves
I got a really nice new shirt for job interviews. I'm finally broad enough that I can't wear kids' clothes but I'm still short, not a problem with length of the body since it gets tucked in but with my arms a bit more so. This shirt has a  a nice bit inside the sleeve which makes me think I can fold it up. It looks like this- left side folded up, right not obviously  and don't worry I plan to iron it before wearing

( picCollapse )
Is that acceptable or some sort of faux pas?

I'm not sure if this is the right place to ask but I can't think of anywhere else.

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Check out this trans film
Hey guys,
check out this trans road trip film's Kickstarter page. It's a project by an FTM director with an FTM star.
They need to raise some money before the Kickstarter deadline in a few days or the film might not get made.

There's a lot of cool incentives available-- lots of trans/ queer related stuff.

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1446723812/rhys-thesis-tristan-and-zooey

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beard cleaning?
hey guys - as this is not an ftm-specific question, just a beard question, i figured i'd post it here.

so... what's the proper way to clean one's beard? Is a beard washed with facewash or soap, like the rest of a person's face? Do people wash their beards with shampoo? 

I've only ever stuck my face in the shower for a second and hoped for the best, but lately it's occured to me that maybe I should be doing more than that. What do you guys, or bearded guys who you know, do, in terms of keeping their beards (and maybe mustaches) clean? 

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Well meaning people- so what would you do?

I was in this situation the other day and thought I would see how some of you might handle it.
I was at the grocery store, and as I was reaching for a dozen egg this little kid (maybe 4 or so) sitting in the cart says hello. I said hi and moved on down the aisle. I hear the kid asking her mother "is that a boy or a girl". The mother tries to explain that I was a girl, but the kid doesn't quite believe it and is getting quite vocal about the reason why. At this point the mother is apologizing to me and obviously embarrassed by her kid but not sure what to do about it. And neither did I. She was trying to be nice, but was making things worse.

I know I don't pass especially when I talk. I dress very male, and don't have a visable chest thus kids usually assume I am male without much question. Anyhow has anyone had a similar situation or thoughts on how to handle it?

Current Mood: frustrated

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Work problems
So I don't know if this is the appropriate venue for this story/questions, so it's underneath a cut. Also there is some swearing in the story. Mods, feel free to delete if needed.

( So I got written up at work today for swearingCollapse )

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Dennis Tam, a sad story about specialists
I'm not sure if this is okay on this comm. Please let me know if it isn't.

While it might not be immediately and/or obviously relevant here, I strongly believe that as a community trans people (particularly FtMs) are starved for art that resonates with their lives.

I'm writing an online novel about growing up. The main characters are FtM.

You can find the first chapter here.

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I was talking to my therapist about this the other day and she said to get some input from other trans-guys.

I have never had straight male friends, apart from 2 guys who I've grown up with and have been friends with for almost 20 years now. The rest of my friends are gay males or women (both straight and lesbian). Whenever I am around straight males, I tend to feel very intimidated. I know it is for a variety of reasons too.

I am stealth in most situations, I have been on T for 15 months almost, but am pre-op. Especially when I am around the straight guys at work I am very concerned about my chest. I doubt they even notice but I notice if it's looking bigger than other days. The guys at work constantly spew homophobic stuff and constantly objectify women. I think especially because at one point in my life I was living as a woman this really bothers me. I can't find my voice to speak up to them because I feel so intimidated by them. They expect me to join in and I just kind of laugh it off.

I don't feel intimidated by straight guys who I don't know, like strangers on the street. I never feel like I'm in danger because very few people know I'm trans. I tend to feel intimidated by guys I know, which I don't understand why. Sometimes I fear that they'll find out, but I don't think that's the main reason.

Does anyone else feel intimidated by straight men and how do you deal with it?

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softball
I used to play softball when I was a kid. I wanted to play Little League, but wasn't allowed to (parents wouldn't let me because I would have had to switch after a certain age or something so they figured it'd be better to play softball and stick with it if I wanted to). I was good at it and enjoyed it ...other than being like WTF when all these girls around me were jumping up and down and yelling softball cheers and I was just sitting on the bench staring at them, because it's fucking softball not cheerleading... haha.

Anyways, I really liked it, it was a big part of my childhood, and I just feel awkward about discussing it because it was SOFTBALL. Are there boys softball leagues that young (I know there are mens' slowpitch leagues for adults)? I don't think there are any around where I live, but if it's not unheard of for boys softball leagues it really wouldn't be a big deal to say I played softball. I feel like if I want to talk about it I have to pretend like I played baseball in Little League, which I guess is OK to do.

I know, not a big deal, just trying to start a topic in this community... and I wonder how many other people feel awkward if they played softball because it's such a typical "girls' sport".

ETA: Mis-stated that last part. I mean about it being awkward as a kid because, at least where I live, it was generally supposed to be a females-only sport. Obviously it's not as awkward when you're an adult playing on a mens' or co-ed team.

Current Mood: weird

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FOR SALE: Breast binder from T-Kingdom
( awesome breast binder in white under the cut..Collapse )

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Questioning what to do with myself
Good evening gentlemen,
I was unfortunately born female. I say unfortunately not because there is anything wrong with being female, but I just do not feel like I was meant to be female. I have always known this. My friends were all male, and they all considered me to be male as well (to the point of giving me a male name that I still use today), until I went through my (very early) puberty. I didn't think it was anything other than me just being a tomboy, though. Then when I found out I was attracted to both males and females, I learned what a transgendered person was, and I felt I could relate. I was cautious, however, to call myself transgendered. My frustration with my gender manifested itself in my teenage years through an eating disorder and a sex addiction. When treating these, I found I had to face the issue of my gender.
Currently, I am still biologically female... and very female at that. So much I disgust myself. I am very short and petite, with large breasts and a very soft face. I couldnt pass for male if I tried. And I have tried, since I do historical re-enactments where my character is male, but even with my makeup and clothing, a person can tell from across the battlefield that I am the only female there.
I have considered a sex change operation, but I am not sure I really want to do that. It is very difficult and expensive, and my lover, understanding as he is, is a straight male and unfortunately cannot change his orientation. At least he likes my masculine mind, is open minded to my trying to pass for male... and he would be a little confused over his orientation if I got a sex change.
In my treatment for anorexia nervosa, my therapists told me that since I am reluctant to get a sex change, I should find some other way to become happy with my body, even though I am the wrong sex. Has anyone else gone through anything similar? How have you gained peace with your body? Any advice on gender or your own journey would be appreciated very much.
Anyway, it is good to get that out. Thank you for reading.

-Leo

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unexpectedly close to home...
My brother told me the other day that I would never be a guy because:

A) I didn't spit, cuss and gamble
B) I had never been a guy so how could I know how to do it or what it was like


I tried to tell him that I wouldn't change just because I was on testosterone or having top surgery. I tried to explain that I want to be a 'good guy' I want to be myself, as a guy. I want to be nice to people, don't want to cuss and fuck around and spit. I just want to be. I also tried to tell him that hundreds and thousands of guys out there who are transguys manage just fine, having never been 'born a man'.

He was unresponsive. But I figured I would rant a bit about it. I just never expected it from him. He has been all around pretty supportive until I mentioned surgery and then he decided to vent his pent-up dissapproval. I have to laugh a bit, though, because it is almost as though he expects me to just just up and change my mind right off the bat because of a single comment he has made. How does he not understand so hard?

-Joe

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not smoking......
ok, so alot of us smoke cigarettes, right? well until 8 days ago, I did also. I wish I could say I quit for top surgery coming soon, but, thats not it. the misses and I woke up and decided to buy nicorette gum instead of a carton of smokes. so for all those out there that talk about picking a date. and blah blah blah, not necesary! so to the recently none smokers, how long til you slept through the night? and stopped having intense dreams? I don't mind being more ADD and I don't mind the not quite knowing what to do with myself, but I miss my sleep!

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Restricting Empathy
Before T I tried to "act" more masculine to pass. Now I find myself restricting behavior that would make other guys think I'm gay(because I don't want hetero guys to feel uncomfortable around me not because I have a problem with gay people).

One trait that is always labeled as feminine is being empathetic. Like I can see things from a lot of different angles. But nowadays I find myself trying to stop looking at things from different sides or putting myself in other people's shoes because it doesn't seem like something guys do. Anyone else having similar experiences? Or is there any particular behavior you've tried to restrict post-T?

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I'm kind of embarrassed to ask this, but I'm not really good at reading/understanding social cues, so forgive my ignorance.

I'm in college and my classmates often tease me about different things, like about liking this large-chested woman in class, or once they made a comment about me being doing hair and make up (it's a TV class)... I'm gay, but not flamboyantly so and I don't talk about it at all or anything. Are they joking with me because they know I'm gay? Do straight guys (at least college-age guys) say those kinds of things to one another regularly?

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Regarding lesbian-feminist friends
So a friend of mine talked about how she's been avoiding strait men because she doesn't want unwanted attention(being hit on, that kind of stuff).

I started to get the feeling that if some of my friends didn't know I had transitioned, they wouldn't even really want to be around me. I'm not mad about it(she's a very cool friend and I still like her a lot), but it was an interesting thought.

Has anything similar run across anyone else's mind?

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tastes.....
ok guys, something that I've noticed in the 2 years and change on T, my tastes have changed. the best example I can think of is, prior to T, I hated chocolate, now I can't seem to get enough of it! And certain foods that I loved before, I can't tolerate anymore. anyone else experience this, or similar to this?

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I was thinking about a post someone had made in tranny_rage about how someone was like "I'm okay with you being trans as long as you don't try to bang me".

It made me think about how *typically* the straight community (especially ci-males) believe every LGBT person wants to have sex with them and how frustrating it is that people think that.

Which got me thinking about my own personal experience as a transman trying to be well, "normal".  There is a girl at work I am very good friends with.  She's 25, I'm 23.  She's married and has 2 kids.  We just get along really well and have a lot in common.  All the guys at work INSIST that I want her and that I want to well, do her.

I DON'T. 

I keep telling them that but they insist I want her.  She doesn't want me, I don't want her.  She probably assumes I'm gay (I identify as polysexual, but currently I am trying to figure myself out and am content with being single for the time being).

I suppose it is the "typical" male that they lead with their dick?  I feel almost persecuted by the other guys at work sometimes because well, I don't.  Being that I have no problem dating guys, I don't mind being perceived as gay, but not by these guys who throw the word f*g around all the time.  How do you guys deal with something like this?  Not necessarily my situation but in general?

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Transition and Apathy
I'm finding that as I am farther along in my transition, I a more apathetic about social injustice. I think it's mostly because I figure I've gotten a chance to fix my biggest problem in life, thus don't feel the need to raise a fuss on behalf of everyone I presume to be as miserable as I once was. I am also about to turn 25 in a couple of weeks, so I wonder how much of it is transition related and how much of it is due to the fact that my mind is in a different place than the 18-20 year olds I take college classes with.

A few weeks ago I was amazed when a girl lectured me about the responsibility I have as an individual to make the world a better place, one person at a time. I felt like I was looking at a replica of myself years ago. And though her words didn't inspire me to care again, I was definitely amused by the experience. For the first time it started to hit me how much I have changed(internally) over the past few years.

Any similar experiences/observations?

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School Experiences
I was thinking about my experience with school, I've graduated now, and how I see my school experience has changed since coming out to myself. It's interesting to me now to see how being trans made me a sort of exception to the proverbial school food chain. In my school the order was popular kids/jocks, then the punks and skaters, then the average kids, then the nerds and geeks, then the German immigrant kids, then the poor kids. I would have fallen into the nerds and geeks group but in my school it was like if you were queer or trans (or worse, queer AND trans) all bets were off, you were fair game for everyone. The only time I got bullied for being a nerd it was the groups "higher on the food chain" than me doing the bullying. When I got bullied for being queer or trans, it came from every group, even ones "lower on the food chain" than me.

I hated going to the bathroom in highschool, it was always a nerve racking affair for me. I remember I got unlucky one time and although the bathroom was empty when I went in, a big group of German girls came in after me. I didn't want to wait in a stall until they were all gone because in my school it was not uncommon for groups of girls to hang around in the bathroom for quite awhile. They stared at me while I washed my hands and left but they didn't say anything. It wasn't until I was back in the cafteria sitting in my usual spot that I looked up and saw that the whole group of girls had followed me out of the bathroom and were standing in front of me. And then came the question I hated as a kid, "Are you a boy or a girl?" asked over and over while the girls giggled and laughed. And then black horns grew from their heads and their eyes turned red. Ok, I made that part up, but I wish it was the part before it that I made up. I never really thought of myself as having a bullying problem when I was in school but now that I think about it my usual spot in the cafeteria is practically proof that I did. It was very carefully selected for whenever I had to be in the cafeteria alone. My cafteria had tables and chairs in the middle and two-level carpeted wooden risers. Sitting alone at a table was suicide so I chose to sit at the very end of the top level of a riser up against a wall in the part of the cafteria with the least amount of traffic. Since I sat at the edge there was only one side of me some one could sit by and I purposely kept my backpack there, like a shield that would protect me from any kids who sought to tease me.

From what I've heard from my sister that hasn't changed either, there's an out lesbian couple at my old highschool who have to deal with the same crap I had too. My sister and I have put up anti-homophobia and anti-transphobia posters in the halls but it's not really enough. They wouldn't even let us put them up where people actually look, my sister was told she could put up two, one on each of the school bulletin boards which every one ignores.

Anyway, it made me wonder if it's the same in other schools. What was/is your school experience like? All experiences count, even if you weren't out as anything, never got bullied, and think you have nothing to say!

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Masculine behaviors that are more acceptable in female-identified individuals
I've had some really weird experiences recently. I consider myself chivalrous, or a gentleman, and apparently have been coming across as fairly misogynist. Typically, especially when I was still female-identified, I always paid on the first date, and paid a fair amount later too, opened doors for my date and others compulsively, even when dating a guy. I often volunteer to carry things, and jokingly offer my arm to my date a lot. I went through a phase of pulling chairs out for people.

I've had a number of the females in my life react negatively to this recently. I still know a girl, an old room mate from high school, who wishes she could find a guy like me (no, the irony isn't lost on me, but she means a natal male who can have kids). On the other hand, my current girlfriend, an independent woman, previously lesbian identified and now somewhere along the lines of pansexual, has been "curing me of bad habits." I have to let her open the door and pay a fair amount of the time. Actually, I've received quite a few verbal ass-kickings, mostly from women, about my gender perceptions recently. I consider myself a feminist, so I'm trying to change, but I think it's all rather weird. I don't mean ay of these behaviors as a disrespect.

Just wondering, how has this been for everyone else? Are the things marked as "masculine" in female-identified persons frequently perceived differently in a male-identified individual?

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